But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dead and Dreaming I am so tired. I feel as if I could fall forward into the floor, into nothing, into blackness. I had a dream that I died. I was driving with my mom and brother on a highway and a huge truck was coming towards us on one lane, and there were two on our lane. One tried to pass the other, didn't do it fast enough, and we went right unter the tires. Then the highway turned into the road to Heaven. I realized that I felt no pain. I had to stay at a boarding house with other girls ranging in ages 3 to about 20. We were waiting to be accepted into Heaven. I was accepted but what I found was not what I expected. It was boring, and everyone seemed to live in old bodies. There was a phone in my room, meant not to contact earth but other people in Heaven. I didn't care. I called my grandma. She didn't believe me. Finally I convinced her to meet me at Mc Donalds. She told me how my brother was dead and how my mom was in the ICU in a hospital. Someone knocked on my door. We had to take a stairway to earth. God decided that everyone was going to Mc Donalds. I knew it was going to be as a lesson for me. That he knew what I had done. Then I woke up. No one around, no note, the air conditioner turned off... as if I do not exist. It is my brother's birthday tomorrow, but we are celebrating today. I know he doesn't want me around. I am staying in my room for that reason. I shall not show my hideous face and intrude upon his party. Binge, purge, skip the insulin. I am so tired for that reason. My heart is racing and my thirst is unquenchable. My tongue has a thick, sticky coat of ketones and sugar over it. I do not care. Perhaphs I will fall into a deep sleep. Maybe I will rest in peace forever more. I am going back to bed. Goodnight. 4:17 p.m. - 2003-09-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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