But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shadow of Evil, Kill Me Now I was running. I was running through a factory as he chased me. He looked a bit like an evil puppet. He caught me, threw me down, and I screamed. No one was there. He jammed himself into me. I begged to be let go of. Suddenly a big, burly security guard appeared. He didn't believe me. He chased after me when I escaped. Two big men after me in a warehouse. Thank God it was only a nightmare. I woke up doused in sweat. I got up. 2:40pm. I was up until 6:00am grading papers. I wish that I didn't dream. I wish that I didn't wake up. I wish I was nothing, I wish I was nowhere. I wish I felt safe. My mom gave my brother a fridge for his room. I cannot believe it. I asked for one a month ago, researched them, found low prices, and now he has one. My brother's collection has grown to a surround sound system, TV, DVD player, VCR, couch, refrigerator, and many cool lamps. Am I jealous? Yes! I am so jealous I could rip my hair out. I have a 4.0, I am never in trouble with the police, I volunteer.... None of that matters. I have nothing. The dog would even be my brothers if he liked him. He was originally given to him, but he doesn't like him. He got tired of Widget. At least I have Widget. Widget, my miniature dauchsound, my baby. I have been having more flashbacks. I see his face, lurking in the distance, everywhere I go. I hate it. I want to slit my wrists. Bleed away my life. To not feel. I am meeting the other girl Thursday. She is so much stronger than I am. She goes to school. She tolerates being called names by his sister. No guys will speak to her, and everyone knows... I am weak. I want to die. I cry inside, but no tears are shed. Instead I cut, binge, purge, dream of bones, and punish myself any way I can. Please, I beg of you, put me out of my misery. 5:23 p.m. - 2003-09-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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