But The Quest for Beauty is a Beast. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To Be Or Not To Be I finally got a Gold. I am not quite sure as how to use it so all I have done thus far is made a small survey. It is called recovery for those of you interested in taking it. Not much has happened today. I am still debating about locking my diary, and I have decided that if I do it will only be at hours when I cannot guard this computer or when my mom isn't at work. Today was not such a fine day. I skipped a few doses of insulin, and I ended up eating four cups of carrots and two bell peppers. Needless to say my stomach is very upset. I look in the mirror and I do not see a person I like. I am just not who I want to be. I realize I was too thin, but now I am too fat. Would it be asking too much to be somewhere in between? I know that is not possible. I have tried countless times before. I will not stop. So I have to accept myself. I am going to accept the fact that this is my body and it will be this way forever. I shouldn't care what I look like. I have been through enough treatmnent to know that an eating disorder is not worth all the pain and suffering. It will lead to death. It will never make me happy. I know this, but I still care. I need to stop. I will get better. Tomorrow I will do well. I will follow my meal plan. I will take my insulin. I will be productive. I will make myself be the person I have worked so hard to become without an eating disorder. 1:23 a.m. - 2003-08-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- |
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