Comments:

Emily - 2005-08-30 23:09:42
Why, you ask? Because I love you. Because you matter to me and simply as a human being. Because you deserve to live *happily*, not in utter misery.
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- 2005-08-31 00:28:09
do what will make you happy.
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Claire - 2005-08-31 05:27:15
Because Gwen, you are worth it, and we would all be devestated to lose you.
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Lisa - 2005-08-31 07:25:00
Goddess ~ Would you let one of us die? No way. How are you going to go on Oprah with me if you aren't around? Seriously, give me the control over your health and I'll take you to a hospital or try to get you in UCLA. Or call Dr. Lucas, she'd love to hear from you and maybe she'd have some advice that would help you feel better. Your hope will return if you can just feel a little bit better physically. I miss you!! We could get an age waiver and you could come back to CFD!! All My Strength, Love and Blessings ~ Lisa
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Jewlz - 2005-08-31 12:30:32
Gwennie. I am so proud of you. It really is hard doing what you are doing. Talking to you this morning...I could sense the hope...even if it was just a little glimmer. There is hope there..and you are hanging on and fighting like hell for it. Something will come about...and if insurance doesn't cover Rogers...well...let's deal with that point when/if it comes. But for now..keep hope. There are so many options...I guess it just takes fighting for them, and weeding through all the shitty ones, eh? Well, I will call you later when I get back from classes. And I haven't given up, Gwen...never will. I am still thinking about our Skii/Snowboarding trip to Mammoth...it will happen..maybe postponed, but we will go gwen. And we will lay in the middle of Lake Mary on Floaties and look up at the sky and make happy little cloud people. :)
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dana - 2005-08-31 12:50:15
oh, gwen, please hang in there. dont give up, i havent, none of us have. things can get better, honestly. please, take lisa's advice, things will look up when feel a bit better. and do use your supports, they/we are there for you!!!
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Poppy - 2005-08-31 15:36:07
I lift up my eyes to the hills - Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, The Maker of heaven and earth. -Psalm 121:1-2 You are God's little princess. I hope that one day you'll realise how much you are worth! Trust in Him; He has a plan for you. If you ever want to talk, or just tell me what's on your mind, sometimes it can help to have someone to listen...just send me an e-mail. Remember that you're beautiful!
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MAGAN - 2005-08-31 16:42:40
AWW READING YOUR ENTRY MADE ME SO SAD!!! I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER, BECAUSE THERE AREN'T ANY WORDS TO. BUT I HOPE YOU GET OKAY
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Brittany - 2005-08-31 17:10:25
Hey Gwen. One of my best friends in the world went to Rogers. She is recovering from bulimarexia. They really were able to help her. I hope that you're able to go there. If you like I can give you the links to her journals. Just email me. There is life after this, and it's beautiful. If you choose to do the work - you can get through this. *hugs*
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Brittany - 2005-08-31 17:18:49
ack. I'm so stupid. I had only read one entry before I posted that. I didn't realize you'd been there before. I hope that you can go back. Oh, and I saw you're pictures - you're absolutely beautiful.
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Brittany - 2005-08-31 17:22:16
Gosh. I'm so stupid. I didn't realize you'd been there before because I'd only read one entry. My apologies, but I hope you can go back. Oh, and I saw your pictures - you are absolutely beautiful.
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lorrie - 2005-08-31 17:23:30
Because of all the thousands of ana/bul diaries on the web, your talent has captured me and kept me coming back for updates for many years. I used to think you'd beat it but I am feeling very sad about your chances now. You seem to have given up.
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anon - 2005-08-31 19:29:14
I was really moved by what you wrote, I've never had the courage to even words like that on the internet, even when noone reads them. Maybe its not courage, maybe its all you feel right now, but I just wanted to write you some support, something. I've spent years coping with depression, getting by, and I've always found the hardest part is remembering what it feels like to not be depressed, to remember what it feels like to be able to walk out in town, to feel confident even, to feel content. But believe me sometimes it happens, and it can be the most surprising thing, and it's all the more precious to me. I hold onto it and remember it so that when I'm back down I can think, 'it is possible'. It feels so deep rooted, that depression is me, but those better times are me too, I can't just write myself off. Sometimes the only thought that kept me going was that things have to get better than this, that they can be better. Or if I am completely honest, the darker version: that I can die anytime, but I've only got this life to try to figure out why not everyone feels like this. I try new things, I push myself out there, and the richer my experience, the better perspective I get on my own feelings. It makes me braver. There's a part of me that has given up, that knows I'm not going to find some magical answer, that I can always slide back without realising. And I've never been able to picture myself married, kids, content old age. But that doesn't stop me from trying to push myself now and give the world my best shot first. Optimism rooted in the darkest thoughts. It is possible.
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Megan - 2005-08-31 20:48:28
Dear Gwen, Hold on sister! I just finished reading your last couple posts and my heart goes out to you. NEVER GIVE UP - killing yourself is not a way out! The only way out is painful, but healing will come after the scarring, I promise. If you need anything, let me know. A survivor of mental disorder, Megan
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