Comments:

candoor - 2005-08-28 12:58:45
I'm not sure how I got here, but I leave a *HUG* for you...
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Linds - 2005-08-28 13:14:36
I don't have anything to say besides a huge, huge {{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}. Be safe.
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Sketty - 2005-08-28 13:14:44
Just take each day as it comes. If that seems too much then take each hour as it comes and take baby steps to lead you thru this darkness. You survived the initial trauma so you are strong and you can do it Gwen. Love and Light to you...
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Kris - 2005-08-28 16:49:36
Gwen, I feel so bad for you right now. That guy really should have gotten more jail time than he did! Please don't worry over it so much though because by not letting it get to you you're defeating him and all his intentions. I know the school must be a scary thought right now, but at least this way you don't have to worry about getting to and from classes or being sick during class. Not to mention, you have such a variety of classes that I'm sure at least one of them should be interesting. In some ways I almost envy that kind of flexability you can get with online courses. I have most of my classes at night right now so that I can fit in cross country practice. I hope that you feel better soon, I'll be thinking of you. ~luvs~
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Suburban Island - 2005-08-28 18:26:04
You are stronger than you think or you wouldn't be writing this journal. The online classes actually look pretty good. Hugs to you.
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lonehorse - 2005-08-28 18:39:12
dont ever give up. i know it seems hopeless but giving up is the wimpy way. you said you wanted God to give you answers? He will if you ask and wait...sounds like a joke to someone who's as scared and lost as you. but try.
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Silver80 - 2005-08-28 20:17:40
Oh Gwen. I am so sorry you had to see that guy. I am sorry that your mom wasn't more understanding. I can only imagine what you are going through. It is not fair that he already got out. Sometimes the justice system is really screwed up. I wish I could say something that would make it all better. Hang there okay? things have to get better. About me-I short ip stay does seem like it might help. I am not sure it is possible right now since school starts tomorrow but I do think I need so more intensive care right now. Otherwise, I think things are just going to get worse. Hopefully, my therapist and I will be able to work something out. Take care.
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Jen - 2005-08-28 20:21:55
Gwen! I have missed you (and we don't even talk)... I kept checking to see if you would unlock your diary and I just got to read everything. I'm so sorry about it all. I worry about you so much and I come here every day hoping that you have checked into some treatment that will be consistant. So you can be well and do everything you've always wanted. You're fighting for life even if you don't realize it. Don't give up. *hugs*
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Fightn4life - 2005-08-29 02:54:48
My God, my heart goes out to you. Please seek the Lord and ask him to walk with you. So many times throughout my life, I have wished death upon myself. This is not good as everything is in Gods time, not ours. I do understand your pain. Really, memories are flooding me right now. You will make it through this and be stronger in spite of all you have been through. Just do not give up. Had I not kept going many years ago I would have never experienced love, birth, the joys of grand children so many miracles I have witnessed. I again felt as you do now later in life when my nine-year-old grand son was hit by a car and in an instant lost his life. The person responsible haunted me for years. It took time but I found my way with help from our Lord. Not before losing faith for a short time and the struggle to find my way back. Life has a way of knocking the crap out of us and still we can choose to stand again. They say we can write what we know; our tragedies in life may help another victim find their way, or save a life. You have so much to offer the world, place your anger and fears into helping others. You have a gift of expression; I was in awe by your words. Don't cower to the demons in your life, walk proud and know you are a child of God. Know that the Lord never will leave your side. "Don't tell God how big the storm is. Tell the storm how big your God is". Faith will see you through this; angels will help carry your burdens. Ask for help; know within your heart that you have a purpose right here on earth. Find the strength through the love of our Lord and take baby steps if need be. However, do not give up now. You have just begun your journey. Trust me when I say, you do not want to miss the dance of life. May God be with you, Sandyz
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Funbeauty - 2005-09-02 23:56:07
Hey Gwen, I just read your diary for the first time today. I hadn't expected it to be what it was, but I'm glad I read it. I have delt with an eating disorder since 8th grade. I'm now a senior in high school and I'm sick to death of ALL of it. I started out anorexic and like you said in one of your entries you became "greedy" and started eating. That's what I did and before I knew it, I realized I couldn't stop. While I know that you and I are not the only two people in the world who have eating disorders, this is the first time I have read about it from someone living with it day-to-day. I want to know that it will get better, but it seems so helpless sometimes. I want it to be over but at the same time I don't want to even think about it. I mean I'm clearly not ready to be completly better when I still dream of the day when I can starve myself again. Somedays I feel normal and I think I'm gonna make it and then sometimes, like the last few weeks, I'm not so sure. And I don't know if I care. The mood swings or changes or whatever make me think I'm some sort of psycho person, which is one more thing I add to my failures. Like I need somethign else to worry about, right? I don't know what to do and I don't even know why I just spilled my heart out to you, other than you have pretty much lived the life I have been living myself. I don't knwo if you read this but I would really like to hear from you. I'm glad you're getting help. The best of luck to you! Love Stacy
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