Comments:

Bonnie - 2005-07-06 10:26:38
Dear Gwen, I am so sorry that you had such a bad experience at the OBGYN. That nurse sounds like a real demon. Out of the 113 embarrassing things that can happen to you, 47 of them are happening while you're on that damn table with your feet in those stirrups. If only you could have farted on them both. And you're not being selfish, I know you're doing the best you can. You have a heavier cross to carry right now than most people, is there a church you can visit to talk to someone or at least just sit and breathe and think? I think I remember you saying that you're Catholic, if that's so, is there a Newman Center near you? They're connected to colleges and have strong student affiliation and focus. There's so much going on in your life and it might help to have a completely neutral party to talk to (that is, someone other than DOCTORS) and hopefully that can help bring some balance to your life. Your mom has some stuff now to go through but that doesn't mean you have to completely shoulder her burden, either. Be as supportive as you can but don't beat yourself up by thinking that you're not helpful. No one is expecting you to handle everything perfectly. I will say a prayer for you and your mom and I hope you have a better day today. And even though you didn't fart on that demon nurse, you can still send a fart in her general direction today. Fart on those stinkers!!! XXXOOO Bonnie
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Catie - 2005-07-06 11:37:25
Gwen, Im sorry about your bad experience. I'm glad that you went because you need to take care of yourself. Don't let the stupid nurse make you feel bad, she was probably pms'ing or something. You did not do anything to her so don't let her make you feel like crap. I am glad that you still believe in God. If it wasn't for him i would have killed myself along time ago as well. Everyone needs to be able to believe in something and i am glad that you have him. Wear your cross, it can help you feel closer to him when he feels like he is the farthest away. Remember that you are an awesome person and you cant blame yourself for the Ed. You didnt choose to have it it choose you. You have so much potential! Take care of yourself and everyone needs a good cry!
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Kris - 2005-07-06 11:51:04
Gwen, I'm so sorry to hear that the nurse you got sucked. Isn't it just awful when you have enough to go through in your everyday life and then some bitch like that comes along to make things harder?! Please just try to ignore or forget the people like her because they don't understand you or how hard your life is -- I always just assume that they can be that way because they're lucky; they never had to face any of this and they don't even have a clue what you go through as a result. I guess it also means they're somewhat ignorant of reality living in their own little world, but oh well. I am so sorry to hear how things have been going for you lately too. Please keep trying though Gwen. I've been praying for you too, I just hope so much that someday these small steps you take toward recovery will build into something so much more and you will be able to see a real recovery and know what it is like to really live again. You always mention that you need to be better when Claire comes to see you, maybe you can continue to use that as motivation? She seems like such a wonderful and understanding person and that way you could both have someone who understands this there to talk to. Please hang in there and never give up. You have so much potential, it's just so hard to see your own potential sometimes -- so trust me, you do. It confuses me sometimes why God would let this happen to anyone too, but I guess you can keep fighting and look for the good that has come from it -- the people you have met or the understanding you have built. Please keep trying, and pray for yourself too -- even if it's hard. You will be in my prayers too. ~luvs~
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Bree - 2005-07-06 13:27:31
Hi Gwen I read your diary a lot, although I've never commented I don't think. I'm so sorry you've been having a rough time. I was wondering if you could tell me what to expect at the gynecologist...I'm about to go for the first time soon...and I'm really nervous about it hurting. I want to get birth control too...and I'm not sure what to say and what not to say about my ED. If you're feeling up to it...you can email me. Take care please!! ~*~Bree~*~
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Sketty - 2005-07-06 14:40:50
Hi Gwen, bless you for taking the time to write something nice in my guestbook when you are experiencing so much anquish yourself. Please stop punishing yourself - acceptance of yourself is the first step to understanding what is going on with you and when you can do that you can start healing. So many people care and love you, there must be something pretty special there that they can see. I hope you get to see it too very soon :)
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Laura - 2005-07-07 10:11:54
Dear Gwen, You're already punishing yourself- mercilessly. How about another strategy- one that comes from love and compassion? In addition to your belief in God, what about that part of you that wants to live? That wants to enjoy people, and find interesting things to do, and learn, and have some fun!? :) Can you find that little spark and write from HER perspective? Love you always, Laura
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